because i didn't leave a message....

Man, do you have some nerve.
You did not leave a message.
I am not a mind reader. If you want a call back, leave a message.
Let's just remember who stopped calling who.
Let's just remember who slams my name, stopped calling me,
associated me with Jill, and Jason.
Let's just remember who makes her brother cry when she
CAN NOT KEEP HER PROMISE OF A SIMPLE VISIT.
We are just not that important to you anymore and you
have spoken LOUD AND CLEAR!
I GOT IT SARAH. I GET IT SARAH.
YOU NEED TO GROW UP. STOP LIVING IN THE PAST
AND MOVE FORWARD.
YOU GOT INTO HAL'S CAR THAT FATEFUL NIGHT.
YOU SPENT ALL YOUR MONEY ON DRUGS AND BOOZE AND LOOK HOW MANY FRIENDS YOU STILL HAVE FROM THE PAST.
I DID THE BEST JOB I KNEW HOW.
JUST REMEMBER TO TEACH AND BE A PARENT TO EMMA AND MYA AND NOT A FRIEND.
LOOK WHERE IT GOT ME. NO WHERE.......


so, this the note i received from my mother on my myspace when i asked her why she didn't call me back. i didn't know i needed to leave a message for my own mother to call me back!?!?!?!since when do i need to leave my mother a flipping message to call me back. not since i can remember....
and then to bring up hal??? hal was a friend of mine in high school. we got into a severe car accident when i was 15. i broke my back, shoulder and ribs. no clue why she brought that up. i was almost paralyzed but by the grace of god i wasn't. and then for her to bring up i got into his car, i have no clue where she was going with that. w.t.f nancy. make some sense.
and yes, i used drugs in my past. you moved me to mississippi when i was 17 years old so you could join the air force, because that was the only way we wouldn't have to live with your mother anymore. wow...lamo... only way in your life that you could support us was moving me 1400 miles away from my family. and i hooked up with the wrong crowd and ended up doing coke, x, and got tats up the ying yang.
but now that i have grown up and i am 28, i look back at the past and yes realized i have done bad things. but i can't look down on myself for what i did. you live and learn.
i didn't have a mother. she could of cared less about what i was doing. we were in a new environment and she wasn't a mother. basically i went out and did what i wanted. i turned into a person that i now hate. i look back and it makes my stomach turn when i think about the things of done. but that is a whole new blog in its self.
i am just torn that i do not get to see my brother who is 8. i am 28 and my mother is 48. when she was in the military, thats were she met her loser husband. and they had a new family and left me in the dark.
i got pregnant while i lived with them and my mother claims she didn't kick me out. i just was no longer welcome to live in their home. so to me, she kicked me out. but made sure to call the whole to let them know i was lying and how dare i say i was kicked out.
my whole family is a bunch of gossips and love to run everyone's name in the mud. and play telephone with each other.
i could go on and on for days. but i love that this isn't myspace. i don't know any of you. if you read this fine. but i just want to write my life down. have in front of me before i lose my mind. i feel like i have no one to turn to, not even my own boyfriend. like he wants to sit here and listen to me about my fucked up family. all he'll try to do is turn it around on me and tell me not to feed into my family, which i understand. but how can i ignore this when it tares me apart when i think about it. ::sigh:: such is life. it just feels better to let it out in some form.......