My Life...

Since I can remember I have always wished to have a new family. At least from the age of 3, I would fall asleep and wish to wake up with a new mom and to have a dad. My mother was a single parent and I grew up in my grandparents home with my mother for most of my life. I grew up in the most dysfunctional setting ever imaginable. My mother would mentally abuse me everyday.

I remember at the age of 3 or 4, I was getting ready for dance class. My grandmother made me wear those awful huge cotton underwear in the winter. They were sooo thick. So while I was getting on my ballerina outfit my mother came up to me and told me how fat and disgusting I looked. What an embarrassment I was to her. Going out in public looking like this. I mean for the love of fucking GOD, I was a kid, I was 3 years old. You didn't help me. I was expected to do things on my own. I am sure if I were to ever confront my mother on these things, she would never admit to them. We don't even talk to each other anymore, which is perfectly fine with me.

Once, when it was my nap time, I wanted to play in my mother's make-up. What little girl doesn't want to play dress-up with her mother's things?? My mother and I lived in the basement of my grandparents. So, instead of taking a nap, I got up and put on her make-up. when she came home, she took it upon herself to beat the living shit out of me with a lint brush. I was 3. And screaming for help, no one came. My grandparents I am sure were upstairs and they let my mother continuously treat me like this.

My grandparents were no better. Especially my grandmother. Who would beat the shit out of us every second she got. And the state let her be a foster parent. She abused those kids like they were wild animals. I watched her pick up one kid by his ears. My grandmother was and is psychotic.

I stand back and look at myself at times and I see the evil in me. I see the product of my environment in me and it's scary.....

too be continued gotta get emma from school....