Is Chivalry Dead???? In my case....yes

I have been with my boyfriend on and off for 7 years. Now its suppose to be the long haul. But i don't feel that way. When our youngest was 3 months old, he walked out on us, telling me he didn't love me anymore and he was moving into his mom's so we could work on things.

til this day i don't understand why he left. he came over, used me for sex, never answered my calls. i was an emotional wreck. i was just dead inside. i soon found out he started dating this girl he worked with.

lets back track. from day one. i always felt like something was going on between the 2 of them. we had been together 2 years when i found an email from this bitch saying she wanted my boyfriend to take her to the shooting range. I'm sure he took her. He never took me and til this day its something that I am interested in doing. Then after I had my daughter, I found another email from the same bitch, the 2 of them were going to go out to dinner. she emailed him a menu and everything. i about died inside. i still feel he is hiding something and i feel in my heart he cheated on me.

For almost 2 years we weren't together and he moved in with that bitch. involved my kids in her life. she thought she was going to be there mother. the bitch even had the nerve to write me a letter to my home talking about we needed to be friends for the sake of my children, i could have killed that bitch. i still want to too.

my boyfriend even got a new cell number and wouldn't give it too me. he let this woman control his life. he even went as far as to having me email him only and when he called me, he would call private. one time i had a small fire in my apartment and he refused to come and get his children, his parents did.

i still hate a part of him for doing this to me. he should be lucky to have me back. but he sure doesn't act like it. where is the opening of the car door? where are the unexpected flowers? the unexpected notes on my car (like he used to do). he lays next to me in bed and we don't even have sex. i am very unhappy in my relationship. i feel like i am wasting my life away. and its not to be mean, its the way i feel. am i not worth it? what am i doing in a relationship where the person doesn't even have the ambition to do the things to marry me.

then when i bring it up, i am the one cheating. obviously you are the one with the guilty conscious. why do you always say that. i know in my heart you are cheating and i just wish you would come clean. i hate this shit and i feel like i am done. i care but i can't. i can't be in a loveless relationship. i want the man who will take care of me. open my car door. do the unexpected. if you want to be with me, then you need to change or i am gone. i refuse to play house anymore. the ball is in your court.